If I explained the implausible storyline of this film to you, I know with absolute certainty you'd say 'that's so dumb' so I'm not going to bother.
Just know it somehow stars talented actors like Ellen Burstyn and Harrison Ford and yet it induced derisive laughs from the group I watched it with. Actual laughs, guys. And not in a good way.
If you are interested in how silly the story line is, I will break it down for you below.
MASSIVE SPOILER ALERTS TO FOLLOW DO NOT SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED.
Woman (Blake Lively) with 6 year old child is in car accident.
Car accident causes woman to become 'ageless' meaning she will be 29 years old forever.
Woman moves towns and changes names regularly so as to not arouse suspicion.
Her child ages normally and grows into elderly wise woman with a 29 year old mother.
Elderly daughter convinces 29 year old mother to 'stop running' and find love.
29 year old mother meets a guy & falls in love.
29 year old mother meets said guy's parents.
Said guy's father recognises her as the love of his life from back when they were both young.
WHAT A COINCIDENCE, GUYS!
Said guy's father tries to make her come clean.
She runs away.
She has a car accident while running away.
Boyfriend finds her in car wreck.
At hospital, she wakes up and explains implausible situation to boyfriend BECAUSE SHE'S IN LOVE AND CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
She discovers the car accident somehow fixed the ageless problem.
YOU GUYS!
They live happily ever after.
Trailer here.
A quick look at the small list of comedians I've seen at the festival this year, if you're looking for a recommendation...
Brilliant/ loads of laughs / highly recommend:
Judith Lucy
Rhys Nicholson
Great / worth a look:
Justin Hamilton
Joel Creasey
Good potential / room for improvement / up & comers who will probably be on TV & radio in 5-10 years:
Dilruk Jayasinha
Becky Lucas (This show was only 40 minutes long & had a strangely abrupt ending & sombre tone.)
I found hilarious but suspect it's an acquired taste:
Karl Chandler
Oh boy.
It's usually actually a bit fun to blog about a film that's terrible but to be honest, it always hurts a little to do it to an Australian film.
This film is Australian. And it's pretty terrible.
Written by and starring comedian Carl Barron, you'd think there'd be a bunch of laughs but sadly, there's not much of that.
It's meant to be a "feel-good quest for love" for Barron's Manny Lewis but the character spends the vast majority of the film being depressed and you know what it's like to watch a film where the lead character is depressed? Depressing. And not very funny.
I'd tell you to give this a miss but I suspect this is the first you will have heard of it and given there was only four people in the session I was in on the weekend and it only came out a week ago, it'll be gone before you'd even thought seriously about seeing it. Another sad day for the Australian film industry.
If this film is in any way biographical, I think Barron ought to see a therapist instead of making a film next time he feels the urge.
Never one to mince words, News Ltd's Leigh Paatsch called it "one of the most truly terrible Australian films in living memory".
Trailer here.
This is a drama about a British soldier caught behind enemy lines in Belfast in 1971, during what's known as 'the troubles' - the violent conflict in Northern Ireland.
The film is fantastic. The tension is just so real, I could feel it physically in my body as it built. The soldier is accidentally left behind by his unit when they're caught up in a riot and the story follows his dramatic attempt to escape to safety.
Highly recommend this one and for what it's worth, it doesn't skew particularly to either gender - a general crowd pleaser I think.
For more on the story, check out this four star review in The Guardian.
Trailer here.
I wanted to love this. I really did. A comedy written and directed by a world-famous comedian should be amazing, right?! (I'd also read this rave review in the LA Times so went in with really high expectations which seldom works out well...)
Alas, this film from Chris Rock, also starring Chris Rock, is a liked-but-not-loved kind of scenario for me.
He plays stand-up comedian Andre Allen in this film and Andre is trying to break the mould he finds himself in after appearing as Hammy the bear in a trilogy of action comedy movies. He's also in a loveless relationship with a reality TV star - think Kardashian.
It's hard to escape the fact that the storyline is just so predictable. I did laugh a bit (the scenes where Andre goes back to hang out with his family who don't cop his 'rich & famous guy' thing are very funny and Chris Rock/Andre Allen doing stand-up was also great) but nowhere near as much as I hoped I would in a film from someone with this comedy pedigree.
In the interests of fairness though, I present this very positive review in Rolling Stone magazine, also good if you'd like to read more on the story.
Here's the trailer.
I'll declare from the outset that fantasy films aren't really my taste so Seventh Son, an 'epic fantasy' was always going to struggle to please me.
But to my mind even if you like fantasy, you won't like this pile of excrement. Honestly, I just found it a total bore.
It stars Jeff Bridges and Julianne Moore so I guess I hoped that even though it wasn't really my genre that it would still be ok. I mean, Julianne Moore just won the Oscar for best actress for crying out loud! Alas, she is let down by a terrible script. And as for Jeff Bridges, his character speaks like he has a mouth full of marbles, with an affectation fit for a leading man in a suburban theatre company Shakespeare production. (The kind of guy who can't quite work out why he isn't starring opposite Cate Blanchett in an Melbourne Theatre Company production... you know the type.)
Anyway, give this one a wide berth I reckon. DVD/digital at home, at best.
This review of it in Variety is pretty funny, if you're interested in reading more about the story and what a proper critic thinks. (eg. "Here, it’s downright uncomfortable to watch an actor as good as Bridges fumbling lame one-liners")
Trailer here.
Knew nothing about this film when I walked in and quickly realised we would not get along.
Hand. Held. Camera.
I am a very light touch when it comes to motion sickness so this was a disaster for me. I really tried hard to stick it out FOR YOU GUYS. SEE WHAT I DO FOR YOU!?
But at the 50 minute mark, my stomach could take it no longer and I had to swiftly dash out the cinema. You can guess the rest, though I wouldn't recommend it.
The last time this happened to me was with the film Kenny. Urgh.
For what it's worth, the film is about three high school nerds, a cute sister and a hot popular girl from school who manage to invent a way to time travel. But (surprise!) they don't think through all the consequences of this. I wish I could tell you how that aspect of the film unfolds but I didn't return after my aforementioned exit. What I did get through I wasn't particularly impressed by, so if you're willing to take the word of someone who only got through 50 minutes of a movie, I'd say give this a miss.
Here's a two star review in the UK Telegraph for you if you want the full picture, more on the story etc. And trailer here.
